Leading Two Different Lives
**WARNING: This post is about ME and MY struggles. It doesn't mean I love the kids less and it's definitely not to blame their parents for how they have chose to parent. It's about ME and MY struggle to learn how to fill the role in their family**
This week, I had the stark realization that my life was never going to be the same.
You see, just about a year and a half ago, I started dateing the man of my dreams.
At that time, I was involved with my church through the youth group and two connect groups. I had a standing ladies night every week. I was training for a marathon. I lived in my own 335 square foot apartment, where everything had a place. And, I didn't have any other being to worry about or force to eat.
Then I moved in with Travis and his kids and our dog. I'm am constantly living outside my comfort zone. Every day is a new adventure for us.
My life is a mix of toys scattered under the table and decorative keepsakes from my travels. It's a mix of kids toothpaste all over the sink and trying to keep a little organization of my expensive makeup. It's giving up friend nights to come let the dog out and cook supper. It's not being 20 minutes away from friends, so my weekends are spent at home. So how do I not lose who I am?
You see, it's not just me, though.
It's happening to the kids. Only opposite.
They're used to the chaos and the toys under the table and the picky eating and the constant parental attention. They're used to someone picking up after them and tending to their every need. They're not used to clean and tidy. They're not used to me and my ways and my cleanliness.
And for that, I'm loosing it.
In fact, I lost it. On Travis. Sunday night. When I had that realization that my life was no longer going to be the same.
Scenario: We had friends over. Seven children in MY house 😥 The next morning, I had been asking since 10am for everyone to clean up toys. One got put away, two more came back out. Fast forward to 8:00pm, we were playing scrabble (although the other toys weren't put away) and I had to take care of some of my work. So, I went downstairs for 45 minutes. When I came back up, there were toys everywhere - including Hot Wheels left in the bathtub - game pieces all over the floor and all the kids were asleep.
I was furious. I spent all my time and energy that day trying to make sure we went to bed with a clean house so I could start my Monday off right. Nope. I lost alllll my shit and yelled at Travis, "Don't you dare think for one second I'm picking up any of these toys!!"
Travis and my postmortem discussion didn't line up either. He faulted me for leaving the scrabble game to work. I faulted him for not making sure the toys were put away. So who's right? I'm not willing to budge any further out of my comfort zone and the kids don't have any idea how to budge out of theirs.
So now what?
Stepmoms and s/o of parents, what do you do????
How do you figure out who your identity is, when it's so clearly lost in this new life?
How do you figure out where to put your time and energy?
How do you know when to let things go or when to make new rules for your house and sanity?
~T
This week, I had the stark realization that my life was never going to be the same.
You see, just about a year and a half ago, I started dateing the man of my dreams.
At that time, I was involved with my church through the youth group and two connect groups. I had a standing ladies night every week. I was training for a marathon. I lived in my own 335 square foot apartment, where everything had a place. And, I didn't have any other being to worry about or force to eat.
Then I moved in with Travis and his kids and our dog. I'm am constantly living outside my comfort zone. Every day is a new adventure for us.
My life is a mix of toys scattered under the table and decorative keepsakes from my travels. It's a mix of kids toothpaste all over the sink and trying to keep a little organization of my expensive makeup. It's giving up friend nights to come let the dog out and cook supper. It's not being 20 minutes away from friends, so my weekends are spent at home. So how do I not lose who I am?
You see, it's not just me, though.
It's happening to the kids. Only opposite.
They're used to the chaos and the toys under the table and the picky eating and the constant parental attention. They're used to someone picking up after them and tending to their every need. They're not used to clean and tidy. They're not used to me and my ways and my cleanliness.
And for that, I'm loosing it.
In fact, I lost it. On Travis. Sunday night. When I had that realization that my life was no longer going to be the same.
Scenario: We had friends over. Seven children in MY house 😥 The next morning, I had been asking since 10am for everyone to clean up toys. One got put away, two more came back out. Fast forward to 8:00pm, we were playing scrabble (although the other toys weren't put away) and I had to take care of some of my work. So, I went downstairs for 45 minutes. When I came back up, there were toys everywhere - including Hot Wheels left in the bathtub - game pieces all over the floor and all the kids were asleep.
I was furious. I spent all my time and energy that day trying to make sure we went to bed with a clean house so I could start my Monday off right. Nope. I lost alllll my shit and yelled at Travis, "Don't you dare think for one second I'm picking up any of these toys!!"
Travis and my postmortem discussion didn't line up either. He faulted me for leaving the scrabble game to work. I faulted him for not making sure the toys were put away. So who's right? I'm not willing to budge any further out of my comfort zone and the kids don't have any idea how to budge out of theirs.
So now what?
Stepmoms and s/o of parents, what do you do????
How do you figure out who your identity is, when it's so clearly lost in this new life?
How do you figure out where to put your time and energy?
How do you know when to let things go or when to make new rules for your house and sanity?
~T
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