The beginning.
I carry around my soapbox in case anyone asks me what it's like to be a stepmom or about my health journey. Those are the two greatest accomplishments in my life - they're the things I'm most passionate about. They are the times that I feel most alive and like myself. That's why I'm here...to share with the world the things I love most. And prove to you that none of it comes easy.
So welcome to my messy, crazy, wonderful life...
I went from a single and living in a 325 square foot bedroom apartment to a family of five owning a four bedroom home of my own. In the matter of two and a half years. I went from having one payment for things like school loans, car loans, grocery bills and toilet paper to having multiple butts to wipe (so to speak.) So I had to start learning that my independence was relying on others now.
As a stepmom, there’s a LOT of compromise. I mean A LOT. Travis and I agree on quite a few major things in life, but not everything. How much we spend on Christmas gifts (buying for three kids is expensive). Diets and when to enforce them (this is a BIG struggle). What a “clean” house looks like (how can so many boys walk over so many socks each day??). Et cetera. So there’s a lot of compromise between the two of us. Nothing is just yours anymore. Your independence gets really shaken.
Oh, let me remind you. Being a stepmom means they’re not your kids. Even though you pay for them, see them naked, discipline them, tolerate their 5:30am wake up calls and think about them every day. They’re still not yours. Which means there’s even more compromise. There’s someone else you have to answer to. The ex. That means you have to compromise with your husband what he’s going to compromise with his ex. Second layer of independence gone.
These are my daily struggles. I used to be very independent. It's been an uphill battle to merge with another already-established family.
But it's all worth it, to me. There’s something so charming about a family. Something that when they call “Tricia” you will always come running over so they can show you their toy (the one you nearly didn’t buy them for Christmas.) When your husband says “What did Tricia say?” you fall a little more in love with him (because he finally believes in the power of broccoli.) And when your step child hits an accomplishment, you rejoice with them - even if they turn around and say they don’t want to eat their dinner. Finally, those 5:30am wake up calls turn into hours of snuggles.
It’s not easy. There’s steps that I’ve taken to overcome some of this struggle. I didn’t have nine months to prepare and I don’t get to shape their every move. I have a therapist that is teaching me everyday how to let go of things I can’t control. There are people not in my life anymore because they weren’t the support I needed at this season of my life. New ones have come in to take on that role (you know who you are!) And I have to constantly communicate and change my way of thinking.
But it seems to be worth it most nights when I close my eyes. Let the journey continue...
So welcome to my messy, crazy, wonderful life...
I went from a single and living in a 325 square foot bedroom apartment to a family of five owning a four bedroom home of my own. In the matter of two and a half years. I went from having one payment for things like school loans, car loans, grocery bills and toilet paper to having multiple butts to wipe (so to speak.) So I had to start learning that my independence was relying on others now.
As a stepmom, there’s a LOT of compromise. I mean A LOT. Travis and I agree on quite a few major things in life, but not everything. How much we spend on Christmas gifts (buying for three kids is expensive). Diets and when to enforce them (this is a BIG struggle). What a “clean” house looks like (how can so many boys walk over so many socks each day??). Et cetera. So there’s a lot of compromise between the two of us. Nothing is just yours anymore. Your independence gets really shaken.
Oh, let me remind you. Being a stepmom means they’re not your kids. Even though you pay for them, see them naked, discipline them, tolerate their 5:30am wake up calls and think about them every day. They’re still not yours. Which means there’s even more compromise. There’s someone else you have to answer to. The ex. That means you have to compromise with your husband what he’s going to compromise with his ex. Second layer of independence gone.
These are my daily struggles. I used to be very independent. It's been an uphill battle to merge with another already-established family.
But it's all worth it, to me. There’s something so charming about a family. Something that when they call “Tricia” you will always come running over so they can show you their toy (the one you nearly didn’t buy them for Christmas.) When your husband says “What did Tricia say?” you fall a little more in love with him (because he finally believes in the power of broccoli.) And when your step child hits an accomplishment, you rejoice with them - even if they turn around and say they don’t want to eat their dinner. Finally, those 5:30am wake up calls turn into hours of snuggles.
It’s not easy. There’s steps that I’ve taken to overcome some of this struggle. I didn’t have nine months to prepare and I don’t get to shape their every move. I have a therapist that is teaching me everyday how to let go of things I can’t control. There are people not in my life anymore because they weren’t the support I needed at this season of my life. New ones have come in to take on that role (you know who you are!) And I have to constantly communicate and change my way of thinking.
But it seems to be worth it most nights when I close my eyes. Let the journey continue...
~T
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