Non-Negotiable

When I became a stepmom, I lost a part of myself. Now, don’t read that as a negative thought, because I gained so much.


I lost my ability to move in an instant, but I gained a home.
I lost sleeping in on the weekends, but gained three extra snugglers.
I lost my desire to have a cat, but I gained another friend for my kids.
Life is one big mystery. It never takes you where you think you’re going to go, but it drops you off where you need to be.

However, boundaries are good. There are a few things that I see as non-negotiables in my life and my relationship with my step-family. If you are a step-parent and have some of your own, please share!
  1. Healthy eating 
  2. Home for hosting
  3. Must have love 
First, I have healthy eating. This is important to me and a non-negotiable because I’ve done my research and I know the effects that food can have on our bodies. I used to not care - sugars, treats, pastas, ect - and by eating those, even playing three sports a year, I was the heaviest I have ever been. I had the worst menstrual cramps, I was breaking out, and having terrible pains.

When I started looking what was in my diet and what I put in my body, I was able to feel better, look better, react better. And I want that for my family. I’m so thankful my husband is on board. I strive to the point of exhaustion sometimes to get that message across to the kids. Asking for an apple, not an animal cookie. Asking for a protein shake instead of cereal. Everything we put in our mouth is a choice - and it is my mission to make sure it is full of nutrients and life - in order for us to give that abundantly back.

Secondly, I wanted a home for hosting. When we went to buy our home, I looked for things like, will this kitchen give me counter space for cooking with people? Will this living room open up for a movie night with neighbor kids? Will this house have a spot where my kids can play with their friends?

Did I get a perfect house? No. Did I get a place that allows all these things and more? Yes! We have a long way to go. There’s always going to be another project. Little by little we can get some of the bigger transformations out of the way - but for now, we have a home full of celebration, coziness and fellowship.

Finally, there must be love. I remember where I was the awkward minute I first said “I love you” to my mom as a teenager. There had not been love in our home for quite some time. Us kids had gone through our parents’ divorce and we were trying to seek to understand what love meant. We had gone to a family counselor and I just sat on her couch and cried for my half hour. I knew there was so much missing in our home - staring with love. I remember just fighting with my sister and never wanting to be around her. I remember forcing my brother to choose sides and do the “dirty work” when I found out my dad was dating again. It was this crisis that no one sets you up for when you are a child of divorce. All you see is broken, mistreated and being left. **Disclaimer, my parents loved me, unconditionally, but divorce skews your vision as to what the media shows love should be.

So, knowing that I was dating a divorced man, I fought hard to bring love into the house. There is encouragement, communication, date nights, helpfulness and compromise. Those, to me, are the building blocks of love. They’re the foundation that my step-kids will see and they will know that even though one marriage is broken, there is still love and there can be love for them.

What are some of your non-negotiables in your marriage and your family?
Those are the foundations in which your family will be built. 

~T

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